Psychological barriers - and how to manage them
Almost always, as we move from values to goals to action, we will encounter various psychological barriers. Below are some of the most common barriers, followed by suggestions on how to manage them:
Fusion vs. Defusion
When we set out to make positive life changes, it is common for our conscious mind to trigger negative or unhelpful thoughts in our heads, such as: “It is all too hard, difficult, hopeless, pointless, or doomed to fail”.
The thoughts themselves are not a problem if we defuse with them, but if we merge (fuse) with them, they can prevent us from moving forward. The task is therefore to identify the thoughts that are holding us back and defuse with them.
We are all very good at coming up with reasons why we cannot or should not do things. It is something the mind just does. But it is only a problem if we merge with those thoughts and let them control us. If we let them dictate what we can and cannot do, they will hold us back.
We must therefore treat these thoughts in the same way as all our unhelpful thoughts. See them for what they are and free ourselves from them (defusion) so that they can no longer stop us from doing what is really important.
There are many ways we can defuse from causal explanations. One simple way is to name the thoughts/causal explanations and try to anticipate them. Then ask yourself the question: "If I stop trying, give up, stay where I am, and do more of the same, will it enrich and improve my life in the long run?". - Well, probably not... “Am I willing to take action even though my conscious mind can give me all sorts of reasons not to?”
Excessive goals vs. Realistic goals
If our goals exceed our resources, we will most often either give up or fail. Necessary resources can include physical health, skills or competencies, money, and time. If we lack any of these resources, we have two options:
1) We can set new goals to obtain the necessary resources (e.g., improve physical strength, learn new skills/competencies, save or borrow money, and reprioritize our time, which means giving up other activities).
2) If it is not possible to obtain the necessary resources, we must accept the limitations of reality and adapt by making our goals more realistic.
Avoiding discomfort vs. accepting discomfort
Change usually evokes uncomfortable emotions - most commonly anxiety, and if we are not willing to accept and be with this discomfort, we will not move forward. Therefore, we need to make room for our painful thoughts and emotions if we are to step out of our comfort zone. Not because we like them or want them, but because it allow us to do what is important to us.
Distance from values vs. Embracing values
If we lose touch with the values that underpin the desired goal, or if it does not feel meaningful or important (it could be because it is not really my own value but something that stems from rules, morals, religion, culture, or perhaps my parents' values), we can easily lose motivation.
If motivation has disappeared, it is, therefore, important to reflect on the cause. Why do we do what we do? What is important or meaningful about this action? Does it matter and why? Maybe that is enough to bring motivation back, or maybe we need to re-align our goals and actions with our values.
If you have not succeeded with your committed action since last week, try to identify from the four psychological barriers above what slowed you down.
